Referrals as a conflict of interest?

As I wander around the internet, researching everything, looking for a new career, this recent attempt at outreach struck me as requiring a good airing out.

Yesterday, I participated in an interchange with a young woman just 2 years out of school with a wonderful position at a great company. 

Me (yes a bit clunky, but full of heart): 
hi, I noticed that you hold the [title] role and that there is a posting for the same job. It looks like it was written with you in mind. Congratulations. I just applied for the position and am very excited - hoping to get a call back.

Her (this should have been my first clue to back off): 
written with me in mind - how so? congrats for what exactly? 

Me (still all heart you notice): 
I noticed that your profile is very reminiscent of the job posting with the same title. The kudos go to doing a such good job that your employer wishes to clone you - it's a wonderful compliment. Cheers.

Her (uh oh here it comes, verbatim by the way):
In true McKinsey tradition, I have sanitized this message to protect both her identity and her blameless employer's

I'm not looking to be difficult, but I must correct your inaccurate assumptions and advise you to be cognizent that in an organization employing XXXXX+ there are potentially 100s if not 1000s of people who hold a given job title. 

This position is in no way related to me or reflective of my performance. 

1. It's a standard job description 
2. The position is in a completly different dept. As stated on the job description, the position you refer to is with the [xx] Team - I work for [xx team]

I realize you are being complimentary and you seem like a nice person, however I'm left wondering why you choose to disregard my “ADVICE TO PEOPLE WHO ARE CONTACTING YOU” note, which states “Please be advised: I am unable to respond to any inquiry requesting action or guidance regarding employment opportunities due to a conflict of interested with my current role.”?

Given that I took the time to outline my communication preferences you must have known that there was a possibility I would see your message as inappropriate. I acknowledge that you did not directly "request advise/ guidance" but the intention could be seen as 'thinly masked'. 

I know the job market is tough and in one way I commend your effort to make a personal connection - which is probably why i'm writing this - but I am not a recruiter and i'm getting frusterated with the continual stream of similar msgs. 

My suggestion for dealing with people like me. 
As it is most likely that the person you are contacting has no relation to the currently advertised position. 
1. Don't mention your application / job opportunities - unless they bring it up 1st or after several messages of 'friendly' / 'information sharing' dialogue. 
2. Be more general - Using a tone more like 
"I'm researching" 
"I find the duties of an __ (intert job title)__ to be exciting" 
"I've worked in complementary roles and i'm wondering about your experience with the culture / work environement of __(Insert company name)__ " 

Hope you are receptive to my message. 


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What to do, what to do, I mull it over. Now I'm worried that employees of this company are not trusting and getting work done in this environment would be painfully political.

The big question is how can job referrals be a conflict of interest? McKinsey had a reward program for people who refer their friends (not that I would, it's a pressure-cooker environment). Lots of companies do the same thing - the thought process is along the lines "if you are good, you must have friends that are good too." I have friends who are great hard workers and the odd pleasant layabout, so the rule shouldn't be applied strictly.

I did not, as an aside, get as far as the bottom of her profile, so I didn't see the stated rules of engagement. I did see the shameless self-promotion video and awards and was duly impressed, hence my enthusiasm for reaching out.

I shall leave it as it stands. Responding seems fruitless. Perhaps you have some advice to share.

Off I go now to form some more creature connections with less defensive individuals.