If you haven’t had this type of conversation with your aging parents, let me tell you, it’s coming your way.
We have warmly augmented the actual dialogue of a middle aged son guiding his octogenarian mother over the phone on how to fix her cable TV.
Me: Okay, so is there a button on the Samsung remote control to turn the TV on and off?
Mom: I don't see any buttons.
Me: Um...well, it might be on the top right.
Mom: Top right…
Me: Yes, maybe a round or square button that says ON/OFF?
Mom: I don't see any buttons.
Me: No buttons?
Mom: No.
Me: At all?
Mom: No.
Me: I think the remote will have some buttons.
Mom: Well, don't I operate it from something else? Usually this riggin with the coloured circles. [Riggin is a word for all things that defy explanation]
Me: Operate?...Hang on, what are you looking at?
Mom: The TV.
Me: Not the remote?
Mom: You said the TV.
Me: Well...um…okay, let's forget the TV. So is there small riggin you hold in your hand?
Mom: Yes.
Me: So, okay, pick it up and...
Mom: There's two.
Me: Two what?
Mom: Riggins. I remember there were two. But I can only see one right now.
Me: Two riggins.
Mom: Yes.
Me: Okay, is there one that says Samsung?
Mom: The TV says Samsung.
Me: But that's not the remote.
Mom: But it says Samsung.
Me: Yes...well it should…so look for the small riggin that says the same thing.
Mom: Says what?
Me: Samsung.
Mom: (Silence for a space of time, movement, then....) Here it is!
Me: Okay, is there an ON/OFF button?
Mom: No.
Me: No?
Mom: No.
Me: Okay, well, is there a button near the top right that maybe just says ON?
Mom: No.
We have warmly augmented the actual dialogue of a middle aged son guiding his octogenarian mother over the phone on how to fix her cable TV.
Me: Okay, so is there a button on the Samsung remote control to turn the TV on and off?
Mom: I don't see any buttons.
Me: Um...well, it might be on the top right.
Mom: Top right…
Me: Yes, maybe a round or square button that says ON/OFF?
Mom: I don't see any buttons.
Me: No buttons?
Mom: No.
Me: At all?
Mom: No.
Me: I think the remote will have some buttons.
Mom: Well, don't I operate it from something else? Usually this riggin with the coloured circles. [Riggin is a word for all things that defy explanation]
Me: Operate?...Hang on, what are you looking at?
Mom: The TV.
Me: Not the remote?
Mom: You said the TV.
Me: Well...um…okay, let's forget the TV. So is there small riggin you hold in your hand?
Mom: Yes.
Me: So, okay, pick it up and...
Mom: There's two.
Me: Two what?
Mom: Riggins. I remember there were two. But I can only see one right now.
Me: Two riggins.
Mom: Yes.
Me: Okay, is there one that says Samsung?
Mom: The TV says Samsung.
Me: But that's not the remote.
Mom: But it says Samsung.
Me: Yes...well it should…so look for the small riggin that says the same thing.
Mom: Says what?
Me: Samsung.
Mom: (Silence for a space of time, movement, then....) Here it is!
Me: Okay, is there an ON/OFF button?
Mom: No.
Me: No?
Mom: No.
Me: Okay, well, is there a button near the top right that maybe just says ON?
Mom: No.
Me: No?
Mom: No.
Me: Does the Samsung riggin have buttons?
Mom: Yes. Lots.
Me: Okay, but no ON or OFF button.
Mom: No.
Me: Um…well…what do some of the buttons say?
Mom: There is a button near the top right that says POWER.
Me: Aha! Power, okay, then I think you have the right button. Push that button.
Mom: Okay.
Me: And…what happened?
Mom: Nothing.
Me: Nothing?
Mom: Nothing.
Me: Push it again.
Mom: Okay.
Me: And?
Mom: Nothing.
Me: Nothing?
Mom: No, nothing. I think it's broken.
Me: What is?
Mom: The riggin. It's broken.
Me: Well, can you tell me if there is any picture on the TV?
Mom: I don't know.
Me: What do you mean you don't know?
Mom: Well, the riggin was in the office with this other thing by the pencil sharpener.
Me: Um...well...okay, so go back into the living room and face the TV.
Mom: (Walking) Okay.
Me: Now, point the remote at the TV.
Mom: Okay, but I still think it's broken.
Me: Point the remote at the TV.
Mom: Yes.
Me: Now push the POWER button.
Mom: Oh! …Oh, now it's gone.
Me: What's gone?
Mom: Well, something flashed on the TV too quick for me to read.
Me: Is the TV on?
Mom: It's all black. So it's on.
Me: Black and on?
Mom: Yes.
Me: How can you tell?
Mom: Because the little red light in the bottom right is off and it's off when it's on, and on when it's off.
Me: What?
Mom: The red light.
Me: Off?
Mom: Yes.
Me: So, it's on?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Um, okay, so if the TV is on, and it's black, maybe the Rogers [cable] box is turned off.
Mom: Those people charge so much money and I hardly ever watch TV!
Me: Well, yes, but right now we should…
Mom: Years ago, when Don brought home our first TV, he plugged it in and then you got TV. None of this cable nonsense, and they just want more money. And now we just get a few blurry channels at the cottage because we don't have cable.
Me: Mom?
Mom: Didn't we buy something for the cottage that would give us TV?
Me: Mom?
Mom: Yes?
Me: Can you find the other riggin with all the coloured buttons? That's the universal remote and it says Rogers on the top.
Mom: But I don't have cable.
Me: Of course you have cable.
Mom: No I don't.
Me: Yes, you do.
Mom: I don't have cable at the cottage.
Me: Okay. No. Here. Where you are now, you have cable.
Mom: Yes. But it doesn't work.
Mom: No.
Me: Does the Samsung riggin have buttons?
Mom: Yes. Lots.
Me: Okay, but no ON or OFF button.
Mom: No.
Me: Um…well…what do some of the buttons say?
Mom: There is a button near the top right that says POWER.
Me: Aha! Power, okay, then I think you have the right button. Push that button.
Mom: Okay.
Me: And…what happened?
Mom: Nothing.
Me: Nothing?
Mom: Nothing.
Me: Push it again.
Mom: Okay.
Me: And?
Mom: Nothing.
Me: Nothing?
Mom: No, nothing. I think it's broken.
Me: What is?
Mom: The riggin. It's broken.
Me: Well, can you tell me if there is any picture on the TV?
Mom: I don't know.
Me: What do you mean you don't know?
Mom: Well, the riggin was in the office with this other thing by the pencil sharpener.
Me: Um...well...okay, so go back into the living room and face the TV.
Mom: (Walking) Okay.
Me: Now, point the remote at the TV.
Mom: Okay, but I still think it's broken.
Me: Point the remote at the TV.
Mom: Yes.
Me: Now push the POWER button.
Mom: Oh! …Oh, now it's gone.
Me: What's gone?
Mom: Well, something flashed on the TV too quick for me to read.
Me: Is the TV on?
Mom: It's all black. So it's on.
Me: Black and on?
Mom: Yes.
Me: How can you tell?
Mom: Because the little red light in the bottom right is off and it's off when it's on, and on when it's off.
Me: What?
Mom: The red light.
Me: Off?
Mom: Yes.
Me: So, it's on?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Um, okay, so if the TV is on, and it's black, maybe the Rogers [cable] box is turned off.
Mom: Those people charge so much money and I hardly ever watch TV!
Me: Well, yes, but right now we should…
Mom: Years ago, when Don brought home our first TV, he plugged it in and then you got TV. None of this cable nonsense, and they just want more money. And now we just get a few blurry channels at the cottage because we don't have cable.
Me: Mom?
Mom: Didn't we buy something for the cottage that would give us TV?
Me: Mom?
Mom: Yes?
Me: Can you find the other riggin with all the coloured buttons? That's the universal remote and it says Rogers on the top.
Mom: But I don't have cable.
Me: Of course you have cable.
Mom: No I don't.
Me: Yes, you do.
Mom: I don't have cable at the cottage.
Me: Okay. No. Here. Where you are now, you have cable.
Mom: Yes. But it doesn't work.
